A New Beginning

Ok, so I guess since so much has happened since my last post I should
let everybody know what is going on in my life. Some people will be
aware of all this since I am pretty active on fb and other places some
people will not be aware of these new developments.

I have finally gotten out of Boise. I am now living in Cheney, Wa with
my girlfriend. This is a huge change for me. I miss everyone in Boise.
All my Dance Culture friends, All my Gothic/Industrial friends. My
close family, Mom, Felix, Za, and Imani. But I am glad to be with my
sweet and beautiful girlfriend Autumn. Job hunt begins next week. I am
nervous about finding work elsewhere but hopeful that everything here
is going to be a new experience. Spokane is interesting but I haven't
been able to explore it as fully as I would like to yet. As soon as I
get a job and can prove residency I am going to work on getting my
name changed legally. Then will come other little things like finding
a good doctor and starting laser treatment. When I can I dearly need
to find the Dance Culture scene around here because it is a part of my
life I feel I can't be apart from.

There are new and very interesting scenes that Autumn is inviting me
into though and I know that it will all be filled with great new
experiences. More to follow.

Love to all
Ezmy

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Intolerance in my "beloved" scene.

So last night at the party I found out that someone had complained that I was in the women's bathroom. The bathroom that I have used for at least a year now without complaint. Granted this is the first dance party I have been to at that particular building in about three or four years. I go to that venue around twice a month for the Gothic/Industrial parties. Not a one person has EVER complained I was in there at those parties. But the one dance party that I go to in several months, this happens. Am I to believe that our scene is more homophobic than Goths? Because thats what this was.  Homophobia. I use the bathroom for just one thing. That thing is my particular business. I don't care who fucks who or does what off the toilet tank in anybody elses stall.  I really wish they would leave me to do my business in my stall.

On the upside, Manic played some fucking dope Dubstep. It was the best music of the night.

P.S. Phil at Terrapin station, You can eat a dick.

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Indeterminetly Incommunicado

I'm taking a break from society for awhile. I'll try to keep the reasons why and the histrionics to a minimum.

It suffices to say that I really just want to be alone right now and people are generally just fine with that. So I'm excusing myself from the party. I'm not sure why I'm even doing this anymore. I wasn't very acceptable when I was trying to be the gender I'm not and I'm a pretty spectacular failure at being the gender I know I am. So I will continue to be a failure.. alone. Seeing as how nobody reads this though.. I kinda am already aren't I?

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Who R U? Why, I hardly know.

I've come home tonight from a coming out party. Coming out to who or
what I hardly know. Leaving tonight I wanted to feel a sense of
togetherness; coming home I feel just as alone if not more than I've
ever felt. Nothing can displace me from this sense of solitude. I am
just as alone as I've always been. What the hell am I going to do with
a handful of lube when all I wanted is a warm hand or a backrub. Who
am I being strong for when the only person that has ever been my lover
is myself?

I'm lonely. Really though, who gives an Eff?

I'm tired of ...

being a little girl. of being torn by my fathers death. of being
alone. I'm tired of being. alone. The more I want it to change; the
less it will.

Tempered by fire. strengthened by solitude.

Life sucks. and then you take 2 more milligrams of estriadol,
because.. fuck it. It's there.

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I Am A

Person who blogs using posterous to maximize my efficiency and post to
all my accounts to get my words out.

Snarky/Clever Title and intro out of the way, This:
http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/9qx25/i_am_a_mtf_transsexual_lesbian_ama/
is my reddit "I Am A - Ask Me Anything" thread. I got bored.. I think
I may want to study the issues in depth and detail and make a career
of talking about it openly at businesses and .. talk seminars or some
such. I mean seriously.. If I am going to get this done I am going to
need to make BANK! What better way than to foster understanding about
the issue and really do something to help change the world for the
better?

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Caffeine for the enrichment of life.

It's amazing how the addition or subtraction of caffeine can make or
break a day. I had coffee this morning, so far so good!

Posted via email from ezmyrelda's posterous